Notes From the Weekend

1. There is not, nor has there ever been, a professional football player named Dan Barton. There is, however, an enormous loser named Dan Barton parading around bars in Atlanta, claiming to be a former pro football player, offering to buy cars for women he has just met, professing his belief that he has too much money but not enough love, and weeping unconvincingly about his dead mother.

2. Anchorman=funnier every time you see it.

3. If I pay twelve dollars for a margarita, it damn well better have enough tequila in it to give me a buzz for the next two months.

4. Hospitals aren't fun.

5. Sleeping from noon until six p.m. is pretty much guaranteed to waste your day.

6. If you ever need proof that our country is going straight to hell at an exponential rate, visit your local Wal-Mart at 9:00 on a Sunday night.

7. Dave Chappelle has officially ceased being funny.